It's Bush's Fault

"Miss me yet?"

It turns out that the earthquake in Washington D.C. was caused by a previously unknown and unnamed geologic fault. By decree President Obama has officially named the new fault "Bush's Fault" in honor of ex-president G.W. Bush.

Looks legit to me.........

I got this email today:

Hi Dear..
For security causes

You have to update account details

Click on link below to go

Bogus Link Removed

PayPal Security Team

Gee, I didn't think they cared....................

Conversion Table For Engineers

*Conversions Every Engineer Should Know ...*

1.     Ratio of an igloo's  circumference to its diameter =  Eskimo  Pi
2.     2000 pounds of Chinese Soup  = Won  ton
3.     1 millionth of a mouthwash  = 1 microscope
4.      Time between slipping on a  peel and smacking the pavement =  1 bananosecond
5.     Weight an evangelist  carries with God  = 1 billigram
6.     Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7.     365.25 days of  drinking low  calorie beer = 1 Lite year
8.     16.5 feet in the  Twilight  Zone = 1 Rod Serling
9.     Half a large intestine =  1  semicolon
10.   1,000,000 aches = 1  megahurtz
11.    Basic  unit of laryngitis -  1 hoarsepower
12.     Shortest distance  between  two jokes = a straight line
13.     453.6 graham crackers =  1  pound cake
14.     1 million microphones = 1  megaphone
15.     1  million bicycles = 1  megacycle
16.     365 days = 1   unicycle
17.     2000 mockingbirds = two  kilomockingbirds
18.     10  cards = 1  decacard
19.     52 cards = 1  deckacard
20.     1  kilogram of falling figs  = 1 Fig Newton
21.     1000 grams of wet socks  =  1 literhosen
22.     1 millionth of a fish = 1   microfiche
23.     1 trillion pins = 1  terrapin
24.     10 rations =  1  decaration
25.     100 rations = 1  C-Ration
26.     2 monograms  = 1  diagram
27.     8 nickels = 2  paradigms
28.     5 miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League

Thanks to Akafuze for this!

Ruger "Union Worker"

Ruger has just announced that they are coming out with a new pistol in honor of Barack Obama. It will be named the “Union Worker”. It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it......

Found this at Kaching (sometimes NSFW)

What is Celibacy?

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, My wife and I, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?' ! I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered, 'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began my life of celibacy.........

There were probably many, many times this year when

I may have.....

Disturbed You,

Troubled You,

Pestered You,

Irritated You,

Bugged You,

or got on your Nerves!!

So today, I just wanted to tell you....

Suck it up Cupcake!!

Cause there AIN'T NO CHANGES Planned for 2011!!

Thanks, Jeff, the most hated barber in our Fishin' Club!

Jeff Foxworthy on Living in Washington

Yep, Jeff nails it on this one. I'm guilty on every one, I think!

"If you live in Washington"

1. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Washington.
2. If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Washington.
3. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
4. If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.
5. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
6. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
7. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Washington.
8. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
9. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Washington.
10. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
11. If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
12. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
13. If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Washington.
14. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
15. If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Washington.
16. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys, you live in Washington.
17. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
18. If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup , Abiqua, Issaquah, Snoqualamie, Wenatchee , Spokane , Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
19. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
20. If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Washington.
21. If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Washington.
22. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
23. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Washington.
24. If you buy new sunglasses every year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Washington.
25. If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington.

Help Me Make it To My Flight ...... ahem!

The Goldberg Auto Air conditioner

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, "The Goldberg Air Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti- Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show - Lo - Norm - Hi - Max -- on the controls.

Bet you didn't know that.........


All Thanks to Uncawho for providing the story!

Wasp Sounds

A guy's walking down the street and he passes a record shop. In the window is a vintage vinyl LP record titled "Wasp Sounds". Now, this guy just happens to be the world's expert on wasps. Anything there is to know about wasps, he knows about it. Anytime anyone in the whole world has a question about wasps, he's the guy they call. Excitedly, he hurries in to the record store to buy the record and add it to his vast wasp library. He hastens home to listen to his new record.

The next day he's back in the record store with the record in his hand. "I demand my money back!" he yells. "I listened to the record and didn't hear a single wasp sound!"

The record store clerk looks at the record and replies "Well, no wonder you didn't hear any wasp sounds. You listened to the Bee side!"

(You don't have to admit it, but I KNOW you laughed........)

Thanks to Cris in Holland for the story!

World Record Buck - (maybe a buck and a half.....?)

 Here's a picture of the new world record whitetail. It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker's sister's, uncle's, best friend's, son-in-law's, niece's hairdresser's, neighbor's ex-boyfriend's oldest nephew. Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B&C standard and was shot in West Texas on a really windy day, 85 degrees down hill, around a curve at 900 yards with a 22 mag. Supposedly, this deer had killed a Brahma bull, two Land Rovers and six Jehovah's Witnesses in the last two weeks alone. They said it was winning a fight with Bigfoot when it was shot. It had also been confirmed that the buck had been seen drinking discharge water from a nuclear power plant.

Sorry about getting this posted a couple of days late.

Hat tip to Uncawho!

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services , when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'

 "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!"

Hat tip to LocoCasino.......

Blonde Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.........

All credit and/or verbal abuse for this to Loco.

A Fish Story

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth...........

Thanks, Chuck, for the story.

Ray Stevens - We the People

I always did like Ray Stevens, although I haven't heard much from him lately. This might be one of the best songs he's ever done.

Enjoy!

Hare Force?

From IcanHazCheezburger

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses.' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

Clever Title Goes Here.........

Yeah, I know, it's Monday and I haven't been putting much up on the blog lately. I've got several things in the works, including a lot more on rimfire trouble-shooting and tuning, but nothing yet ready to post. I should be getting the Chiappa 1911-22 pistols for reviewing sometime this week. I'm really looking forward to checking them out.

In the meantime, here's something you should enjoy. I can't help it, I just love bad jokes, and if you mix in science and general nerdiness, what's not to like.......

Hat tip to cool Stuff. (Warning, slightly NSF sometimes)

Skeet For Real Men........

Somehow Chuck Z. is involved with this, I'm sure........

Puns For Educated Minds

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

16. A backward poet writes inverse.

17. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

19. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

I'm totally innocent, blame it all on LocoLuke, who sent these to me........