Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Man Speak Decoded

There have been numerous attempts to translate women's speech into logical thought patterns so the average normal person can understand. This is a reasonable attempt to translate men's speech patterns. This explains so much..

Man speak: "I'm going fishing."
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete and total safety.

Man speak: "It's a guy thing."
Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

Man speak: "Can I help with dinner?"
Translated: Why isn't it on the table already?

Man speak: "Uh huh", "Sure, Honey," & "Yes, dear."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

Man speak: "It would take too long to explain."
Translated: I have no idea how it works.

Man speak: "Take a break, honey. You're working too hard. "
Translated: I can't hear the game over the sweeper.

Man speak: "You know how bad my memory is."
Translated: I remember the theme song to 'F-Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

Man speak: "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself; it's no big deal."
Translated: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I hurt myself.

Man speak: "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Translated: I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra.

Man speak: "I heard you."
Translated: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

Man speak: "That's interesting dear."
Translated: Are you still talking?

Man speak: "I am not lost! I know exactl y where we are."
Translated: No one will ever see us alive again.

Hat tip to Uncawho!


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