Thursday, October 20, 2005

New Element Discovered!


A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Hat tip to Mary! Thanks.....

8 Comments:

At Thursday, October 20, 2005 2:33:00 PM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

HAHAHAHAHA! *sniff* isodopes HAHAHAHA! Thanks, Mr.C!

 
At Thursday, October 20, 2005 3:10:00 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Very apt, sir.

Thank you for the laughs!

 
At Thursday, October 20, 2005 4:02:00 PM, Blogger keewee said...

where is my hankie? gotta wipe away the tears, after I finish laughing.

 
At Thursday, October 20, 2005 4:16:00 PM, Blogger DirtCrashr said...

Oh that's good!

 
At Friday, October 21, 2005 8:47:00 PM, Blogger E. David Quammen said...

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At Friday, October 21, 2005 9:05:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL Briliant! Thanks for the chuckle.

 
At Tuesday, October 25, 2005 7:19:00 AM, Blogger Ogre said...

And unfortunately, the peons cannot penetrate the shell of Governmentium... :)

 
At Friday, December 09, 2011 3:24:00 AM, Blogger Manik said...

Hey ..can anyone tell me the elements discovered in last 5 years......

 

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