Proper Mac & Cheese

Well, KeeWee has been gone for a few days, and won't be back for another eight or ten days as she's visiting family in New Zealand, where she's originally from. (Hence the nickname 'KeeWee') That leaves Castle Completely completely under the guidance and control of our cat 'Rocket' and myself. We're doing fine. I realized that there may be some of you guys out there that don't have the years of experience I do, so I decided I should share some of my knowledge with you all.

One of the most important things is to establish a healthy and nutritious diet. (Rocket prefers Purina products, so he's easy to feed.) Anyway, when it comes to nutritious meals you can't beat mac and cheese. It has all the basic nutritional groups all in one package. Since the elbow shaped thingies are made from flour, that counts as your vegetables. There's milk and cheese to give you strong bones, and salt to make sure you drink enough water so you don't dehydrate. There's also plenty of chemicals in there to guarantee you a long life. Don't forget, in the time of the Roman empire, foods had no chemicals at all, and life expectancy was maybe twenty or thirty years at best, and that was if you were lucky! Now with all the chemicals in our foods we live almost three times longer. Who knows how long we might live when they finally find the right combination of chemicals!

Anyhow, back to the food. As you have noticed, there are a lot of different brands of mac and cheese dinners. They are not all the same, by a long ways. Go for the Kraft. You can't go wrong. Stick to the basic one, though, as they also have some more expensive versions, but save your money. Mission brand isn't too bad, and most house brands aren't all that great. Personally I attribute that to them using cheaper chemicals to keep the cost down.

Yes, you can create your own from scratch, but why bother when it's all in the box for you. You can customize it a bit, if you like, and I'll get into that in a bit. But for now, lets whip up a batch of mac & cheese. BTW: If you don't like mac & cheese, go eat some tofu or boiled okra or something, you are at the wrong place. Not liking mac & Cheese is Un-American. You probably don't like apple pie or hot dogs, either. Go away.........

Where was I? Oh, right, we're making a mac & cheese. First, you need hot water. (Do not read the directions - what's the matter with you, are you still here?) Right, hot water. Put an average sized sauce pan under the place where the hot water comes out on your coffee maker. If you have your act together it's a Bunn coffee maker that already has hot water in it. Pour several cups of water into the coffee maker and let the hot water fill the pan about half way. Don't bother measuring the water amount, it's not critical. (Are you still here reading directions? SHEEESHHH!)

As the hot water is filling the pan, pour in the elbow macaroni thingies. Give them a quick stir once or twice so they don't glue themselves together. That's not a good thing right now, but no big deal later. If your stove is electric find the biggest burner on your stove and turn it all the way up so it heats up good.

By now you should have plenty of hot water in the pan, so put the pan on the hot burner. If your stove is gas, turn it all the way up. Let it get to a good boil. Put a lima bean sized chunk of butter, margarine, or anything else kinda oily you have handy into the water. It changes the surface tension of the water and makes it harder to boil it over. (If you don't know what size a lima bean is, ask 'Tofu Boy' over there, he probably likes 'em.)

If it starts to boil over, blow on the foam as it starts to rise out of the pan. It will go right back down. Not everyone will be too happy to see you blowing on their food, so if you are going to share with others, you might want to skip this step. At least move the pan off the burner and turn the heat down some.

After it's boiled a while, fish out a piece or so and bite into it. If it's still crunchy it needs more boiling. If there are no pieces left and they have all dissolved, just pour in another package and add a little more water. It'll be fine!

When it's just about the right consistency, put a pan lid over the pan and drain off the water into the sink. Do this carefully as a slip and you pour the whole works down the drain. Those screen basket drainer deals are for sissies, anyway.

Once drained, toss in a chunk of butter, margarine, or whatever you've got handy and stir it around until it's melted. Remember, you need to have a little grease in your diet every day to keep your arteries lubricated so stuff won't stick inside them. If you want to go deluxe you might toss in a chunk of Velveeta, or sprinkle in some parmesan, maybe a little cheddar. You're in charge, use what ever you like!

Rip open the package of special cheesy stuff that came in the package and mix that in too. If it starts to set up on you like some Bondo that you've waited too long on, pour in a little milk, or water, or cream, even. If you use cream you can then call it "Mac & Cheese Alfredo".

Grab the mixing spoon and have at it. Remember, if you eat it right out of the pan, you have one less dish to wash!

Glad to help, and as Red Green says "If she doesn't find you handsome, at least she'll find you handy!"